Kathryns Walk

  If you've worked with me you know that I set deadlines. I learned this at first from an old boss - Jim Roda at Kitsap County Public Works. He taught me "if you don't set a deadline, it won't get done." He was right. I've gone a little overboard on urgency and deadlines. Nowadays I set them a bit earlier than it might be possible to complete them. Sometimes probably drive people around me a little crazy.  Here's why. I have a tumor in my chest. It's the size of a softball, lodged in the middle of my right lung, and adjacent to my heart. It's been radiated - it's not dead, but it's not really growing either. It just sits there. I feel the tumor with every breath I take. I feel the pain from it pressing against nerves from my shattered rib (where it started) every moment of every day. Yes, the drugs help. The pain is a tolerable reminder that I won't live forever. How long do I have? No one knows. Given how fast this one grew, and given ...

(A bit redacted) You’ve been on my mind alot lately. Here’s what’s going on. Yesterday my daughter had her first baby. The baby is simply perfect ❤️ The timing is so good since the return to chemo has really gotten me down. I’m reconciling myself to the truth that the future for me will be a gradual grinding decline. Age does this anyway right? But multiple myeloma is its own special grind, inevitable and painful.  Could take a year, could take a decade, but inevitable. Might come slow, might come fast. There’s simply no way to predict anything but the decline. The decline is for sure. Life is a combination now of trying to be numb interspersed with occasional moments of beauty. I used to feel so invincible. It is what it is and I’m sorry to dump it on the table like this. We don’t need help or meals or money but the occasional check in and inspiration is most welcome. I’m resolved to ‘not live in fear’ and won’t be following all of my doctor’s instructions. I won’t make these rema...

After a brief but loving chiding I've received from a few close friends, here's an update. The chemotherapy and stem cell transplant didn't do the job. Cancer is unchanged in me, neither for better or for worse. The radiation last year slowed down the tumor in my chest, and no new ones have appeared. Turns out my cancer and bone marrow are just as stubborn as I am. Sometimes stem cell therapy doesn't work, they tell us. That was disappointing, to say the least. Pain is a constant companion, dulled at least by the medications they give me. Beginning in a few days, I begin weekly treatments, which could last the rest of my life. Or as long as we can afford them anyway. Don't get me started about politics and medical insurance please ;-) What goes through your mind when you learn the name of that thing which will probably end your story?  Plenty. Such a combination of sorrow, depression, but also joy over the wonder of this earth, the things and people you've been ...

  I'm coming back to life. Sometimes I feel bad, like the chemo is still inside me. But most of the time I feel better than I have for a year. My body is resilient and healing and snapping back to where it needs to be. I'm so grateful for Swedish Hospital, for Kaiser Permanente, for my husband Dave, and for all of you who have been so supportive over the past year. I truly couldn't have done this alone and I love you all more than you can imagine. New challenges and achievements are coming, and I can't wait to experience them. Hard work will pay off, and life will be good. Thank you so much for caring about me and walking with me through the last year!

This time tomorrow we'll be over at Swedish and the chemo will be dripping into my veins. I'm a little depressed and anxious. I know that it will turn out okay, but the next few weeks will be an ordeal. Three days from now they'll put my stem cells back into me, and the process of rebuilding my body and bone marrow will begin. I appreciate all of you who have supported me through this, more than you can know. Please send prayer/positive thoughts/meditation that I will be able to do this outpatient and don't have to stay in the hospital. That will be the best possible thing that can happen over the next three weeks.

 

And now the battle against bone cancer moves to a new battleground. Today we’re at Swedish Cancer Institute, where I’ve just gotten my first shot of something called GCSF . That’s a drug that will stimulate my bone marrow to produce stem cells and release them into my bloodstream. The purpose of flooding me with new stem cells is to harvest them, next week. These little soldiers will be set aside to save my life in about 3 weeks, after my bone marrow is destroyed in one shot by something called Melphalan. Sounds dramatic I know, but this treatment has been done so many times to so many Multiple Myeloma patients that we’re virtually certain it’ll work. The treatment will prevent any new tumors for years to come. They tell us that the shots will cause bone pain, and they’ve given us instructions on how to deal with it. There will be 3 more weeks of feeling relatively better before the battle to come in March. How do I feel? A little scared to be honest. This is serious stuff. But more th...