Letter to a Friend

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(A bit redacted)

You’ve been on my mind alot lately. Here’s what’s going on. Yesterday my daughter had her first baby. The baby is simply perfect ❤️

The timing is so good since the return to chemo has really gotten me down. I’m reconciling myself to the truth that the future for me will be a gradual grinding decline. Age does this anyway right? But multiple myeloma is its own special grind, inevitable and painful. 

Could take a year, could take a decade, but inevitable. Might come slow, might come fast. There’s simply no way to predict anything but the decline. The decline is for sure.

Life is a combination now of trying to be numb interspersed with occasional moments of beauty. I used to feel so invincible. It is what it is and I’m sorry to dump it on the table like this. We don’t need help or meals or money but the occasional check in and inspiration is most welcome.

I’m resolved to ‘not live in fear’ and won’t be following all of my doctor’s instructions. I won’t make these remaining years a hermitage to avoid the viruses and bacteria which will eventually kill me. I’ll take those walks, travel when I can, hug loved ones and strangers. 

This life has been so blessed and I’ll learn to loosen my grip on it. I can’t promise responses when you send things. I’m depressed often and just numb, but I love you my friend. I love you forever for the friend you’ve been.

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