Midsummer Meander

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After a brief but loving chiding I've received from a few close friends, here's an update.

The chemotherapy and stem cell transplant didn't do the job. Cancer is unchanged in me, neither for better or for worse. The radiation last year slowed down the tumor in my chest, and no new ones have appeared. Turns out my cancer and bone marrow are just as stubborn as I am.

Sometimes stem cell therapy doesn't work, they tell us. That was disappointing, to say the least. Pain is a constant companion, dulled at least by the medications they give me.

Beginning in a few days, I begin weekly treatments, which could last the rest of my life. Or as long as we can afford them anyway. Don't get me started about politics and medical insurance please ;-)

What goes through your mind when you learn the name of that thing which will probably end your story? 

Plenty.

Such a combination of sorrow, depression, but also joy over the wonder of this earth, the things and people you've been able to share and enjoy. The magic of a fresh summer morning's air flowing into your body. The absolute bliss of knowing that your first grandchild will soon be here.

Please don't feel sorry for me. Empathy and sympathy are fine, and most likely there are many years left for this body before I lay it down. My life has already been more full and more blessed than I could have ever expected or even hoped for. I've been enriched by the love of family and friends, and now, more than ever, I feel what a treasure that is.

I feel that the final chapter is now opening. How long it will be, time will tell. And there are many blessings to come.

There are few guarantees in this life. We hear only "death and taxes." To that I add one - if you love me and know me I love you forever. 

Guaranteed.

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