Kathryns Walk

 

And now the battle against bone cancer moves to a new battleground. Today we’re at Swedish Cancer Institute, where I’ve just gotten my first shot of something called GCSF . That’s a drug that will stimulate my bone marrow to produce stem cells and release them into my bloodstream. The purpose of flooding me with new stem cells is to harvest them, next week. These little soldiers will be set aside to save my life in about 3 weeks, after my bone marrow is destroyed in one shot by something called Melphalan. Sounds dramatic I know, but this treatment has been done so many times to so many Multiple Myeloma patients that we’re virtually certain it’ll work. The treatment will prevent any new tumors for years to come. They tell us that the shots will cause bone pain, and they’ve given us instructions on how to deal with it. There will be 3 more weeks of feeling relatively better before the battle to come in March. How do I feel? A little scared to be honest. This is serious stuff. But more th...

We get February off from chemotherapy, to collect my stem cells, and to rest and recover from the past 5 months of weekly treatments. Get me healthy, mind & body, and prepare for the upcoming intensive chemo. It’s been almost two weeks since my last treatment and I’m feeling better already. I’m starting to enjoy eating again, and most of the nasty side effects are fading away. I get tired easily, but I feel my body starting to be resilient again. We don’t need anything right now, other than your positive thoughts. Thank you for caring!

 ...when even water tastes bad? Iced tea. Iced tea with lemon. Gatorade. Crystal light. Anything with flavor. I can't even drink water now.

 A week 16 update, and not meant to be a downer, but a look forward to what's to come... No, I'm not dying. Except in the same way we all eventually are. Yes, cancer and chemo makes you think about things like this more often. But gratefully, I'm relatively healthy for my ripening 65 years. It's a new year though, and like most people I'm thinking about my life and what I'd like to change. And trying also to guess at some of the things that will change, whether I want them to or not. Some things, for sure, won't change.  My love for Dave, and for family and friends who have stood by me.  My sense of wonder for this amazing universe.  My desire to help people and my thankfulness for those who help me.  The joy of a well-turned word, the love of irony, even when it's slapping me in the face. The emotion of an unexpected hug, a fuzzy blanket and hot chocolate, the movie Airplane! no matter how many times I see it. Still, some things will change. Some of the...

  “Come, see real flowers of this painful world.” ―  Matsuo Bashō

For most of my life I've felt my attitude shift back and forth, like the tide, between reaching for light and clinging to darkness.  The light and darkness I speak of could also be called hope and despair, or happy and sad, or nurture and decay. But I think that you understand. Sometimes against all odds I find happiness in the smallest things that the universe has set in my reach. Other times, even when surrounded with a surplus of reasons to be happy, my heart holds tight to pain, whether it's present or in the past. Why do we do this? I'm very grateful though. The balance in me is tilted toward the light. More often than not, and quite often beyond all reason, I feel good about my place in this universe. It's the same with memories with me. When I look back at the past, most of the time I look back on good times, or remember something that brings a smile to my face and warm happiness to my heart. It's not that I haven't had my share of troubles. Like the old ...