Kathryns Walk

A while back my friend Moby and I were talking about the guilt we feel when we slow down for health reasons. He blames the problem on capitalism, I probably think it comes more from 'American-ism,' but it really doesn't matter where it comes from. I feel like I have to be achieving things all the time. About ten years ago I learned that it was okay to slow down, recognize that your body needs rest, and just take care of yourself. But it's one thing for your head to know that - it's another thing entirely for your heart to embrace it, tell you that it's okay to take some time for yourself, and to shush the voice of Mom in your head saying "you still have things to do." Now there are days where I'm not going to achieve magnificent things for work, or for art, or for cooking, or exercise, or any of the other things my little internal guilt-monster thinks that I should be doing. There are days like yesterday and today where just surviving will be succe...

A friend told me this morning how much she loves the sound of rain in the morning. I do too. A soft rain is washing away the heat of the past few days. I love these times, working quietly near an open window, listening to the rain. Sometimes a rain like this comes from within my own eyes. It washes away the harsh emotions and helps feel refreshed. Thank you everyone who cares about me. I love you all.

 She waited and waited and waited. After so long having the constant background worry of MGuS and smouldering myeloma, a PET scan found this softball sized tumor in my chest. I met the wonderful staff at Radiation Oncology and felt my body be slightly poisoned over three weeks, with the goal of reducing or eliminating the tumor. Tests and appointments followed. Multiple Myeloma would present with more radical test results. Mine are a little high but not alarming. But then, there's that softball sized tumor. Seattle Cancer Care Alliance told us that this qualifies us to be diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. But then there's that biopsy that showed possible Amyloidosis, MM's cousin. We waited on Mayo Clinic and weeks later we found out that yes, there was AL Amyloidosis in my tumor. Therefore, the diagnosis is now Multiple Myeloma with AL Amyloidosis involvement. Yesterday we met with oncology and chemo is in the near future. Four drugs, which will begin to hopefully get my blo...

Update time. We met with the new oncologist last Tuesday and I’m hoping that he will work out. Bedside manner isn’t a strength of his at first glance. He says that they might recommend the 3 drug induction chemo rather than the 4 drug regimen. The good news about this is that I won’t have to get a port in my chest if they do the 3 drug, since the port is for the fourth drug, and I’m not excited about the prospect of more body hardware. The downside is that the oncologist at Seattle Cancer Care recommended the more aggressive approach, and told us it was likely to extend my lifespan. But it also means more side effects. I will go with whatever the new oncologist says, either way. Another thing is that there is a chance I have Amyloidosis and not Multiple Myeloma. A biopsy has been sent to some specialty center to find out. Amyloidosis is very rare and the chemotherapy is different for that than for Myeloma. We hope to know the answer next week. I will be on some form of chemotherapy pro...

  I started giving blood while I was in the Army in the 1970's. It wasn't altruism at first. In the Army, if you gave blood, you got the day off. Our unit gave blood on Fridays, which meant that giving blood got you a three-day weekend. But sometimes things that begin selfishly become altruistic. I found that liked the feeling of donating blood. You knew you were doing something good that would help others and you got treats too. I always enjoyed that cookie and juice, even though I could easily have just gone and bought my own. It felt good enough that I continued doing it after I left the service. For 30 years I stopped at the blood bank or the mobile van five or six times a year and gave my donation, and enjoyed my cookie and juice. Over the years apple juice gave way to cranberry, but the cookie of choice was always oatmeal. In the mid-2000's though, I started to have an issue. When the technician would poke my finger and squeeze out the drop of blood for testing, the d...