Waiting Waiting Waiting

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 She waited and waited and waited.

After so long having the constant background worry of MGuS and smouldering myeloma, a PET scan found this softball sized tumor in my chest. I met the wonderful staff at Radiation Oncology and felt my body be slightly poisoned over three weeks, with the goal of reducing or eliminating the tumor.

Tests and appointments followed. Multiple Myeloma would present with more radical test results. Mine are a little high but not alarming. But then, there's that softball sized tumor. Seattle Cancer Care Alliance told us that this qualifies us to be diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma.

But then there's that biopsy that showed possible Amyloidosis, MM's cousin. We waited on Mayo Clinic and weeks later we found out that yes, there was AL Amyloidosis in my tumor. Therefore, the diagnosis is now Multiple Myeloma with AL Amyloidosis involvement.

Yesterday we met with oncology and chemo is in the near future. Four drugs, which will begin to hopefully get my blood tests in line. 6-10 months of chemo ahead.

Right now I deal with daily fatigue. I feel generally bad most of the time, not a specific nausea or anything, just an overall "there's something wrong inside of me and I don't feel good" kind of feeling. And then of course, the ribs next to the tumor hurt constantly. And I don't even want to talk about the adventures I'm already having in the bathroom. TMI.

Chemo will make it worse. But I'm tired of waiting. Bring it on.

It's always worse to deal with the unknown and with waiting, in my world anyway. I would rather endure the most vicious treatment the world has to offer me than to deal with the daily, weekly, monthly wondering "when will this happen" and "what is going to happen?"

So we push on day to day. I love Dave so much for being there with me and for me. And family, friends, and colleagues who are standing beside me and checking in on me. New friends to be met in the support groups I've joined. But I'm tired of this waiting.

Want to get started taking the medical poisons soon as possible. The end of chemotherapy can't come until the beginning of chemotherapy starts. Should be soon. Please.

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