Kathryns Walk

  If you've worked with me you know that I set deadlines. I learned this at first from an old boss - Jim Roda at Kitsap County Public Works. He taught me "if you don't set a deadline, it won't get done." He was right. I've gone a little overboard on urgency and deadlines. Nowadays I set them a bit earlier than it might be possible to complete them. Sometimes probably drive people around me a little crazy.  Here's why. I have a tumor in my chest. It's the size of a softball, lodged in the middle of my right lung, and adjacent to my heart. It's been radiated - it's not dead, but it's not really growing either. It just sits there. I feel the tumor with every breath I take. I feel the pain from it pressing against nerves from my shattered rib (where it started) every moment of every day. Yes, the drugs help. The pain is a tolerable reminder that I won't live forever. How long do I have? No one knows. Given how fast this one grew, and given ...

(A bit redacted) You’ve been on my mind alot lately. Here’s what’s going on. Yesterday my daughter had her first baby. The baby is simply perfect ❤️ The timing is so good since the return to chemo has really gotten me down. I’m reconciling myself to the truth that the future for me will be a gradual grinding decline. Age does this anyway right? But multiple myeloma is its own special grind, inevitable and painful.  Could take a year, could take a decade, but inevitable. Might come slow, might come fast. There’s simply no way to predict anything but the decline. The decline is for sure. Life is a combination now of trying to be numb interspersed with occasional moments of beauty. I used to feel so invincible. It is what it is and I’m sorry to dump it on the table like this. We don’t need help or meals or money but the occasional check in and inspiration is most welcome. I’m resolved to ‘not live in fear’ and won’t be following all of my doctor’s instructions. I won’t make these rema...