Kathryns Walk

 Story Time: In 2003 I was in India, preparing to bring Sukanya home. I was sitting in some random government official's waiting room. Kamala, the boss-lady at the Guild of Service was using my talents as someone who regularly spoke with government officials, to lobby them on moving her applications for adoption to US families faster. More about that meeting in a minute. In the waiting room one couldn't ignore all 5'2" of the mighty Kamala Ramanathan, barraging a secretary with a precise Tamil verbal assault. She was telling that secretary that The Official Himself certainly had time for us.  An older Indian gentleman sat near me listening in, not that it was any effort for him. People were hearing the ferocious Ms. Ramanathan down the street. The old man leaned closer to me and asked "so you are from America? And you work for the government there?" "Well yes, I'm from Seattle, it's in the state of Washington. And I do work for the government, so...

  Hello there, it's time for a check in. I'll start with the good... Yesterday was our anniversary - 5 years married, and Dave's birthday. We had as nice a day as possible, and I especially want to thank you Tina for the lovely cake! We're learning the cycle of treatment and leaning in. There was a very good appointment at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance the other day where we learned more about the upcoming schedule, and got the news that it might take less than 6 months to complete induction therapy. Fingers are crossed over here. We've had really good interactions with the infusion team at Kaiser Permanente Capitol Hill. The nurses and staff there are truly superheroes. Before I go into medical stuff and favors deeper, I want to talk about wonderful people, and I have a little favor to ask, if you're inclined. Dave is being a super supporter, and I'm more grateful for him that you can imagine. My kids and friends (and maybe you) are checking in on me from ti...

 Today is a blessing. If you've never experienced it, or been close to someone going through it, just believe me, chemo is a real thing. Dave and are learning the cycle, midway through our first week. Yesterday was very hard. Today is better. Today is a blessing. I feel poisoned. There's an awful taste in my mouth. But I took a little walk up the hill to the community garden. I couldn't have done that yesterday. I took some photos on the way for watercolor. At the garden, some lovely person left two beautiful zucchini out on a picnic table as a gift. I can only eat bland right now. I've been struggling to find things I'm willing to put in my body. I've made promises to eat whether I want to or not. Those two little squash will go so nicely on a bed of rice today. I'm grateful enough to the gift-giver to cry right now. We're nearing the end of the first week of treatment. There are 23 more like this to go, and this is only induction chemotherapy. After th...

 Does the leaf mind? She once wore the glow of a youthful spring flush. Turning to summer, Her life was awash. Now leaning to fall, And new colors add. Not colors she chose. for good and for bad. Does the leaf grieve? Would it help if she did? These colors of fall Are no longer hid. Yes. She grieves just a bit, But you get what you get! Breathe! You'll wear it with grace, A touch less of pride. For you now begin That inevitable ride. And never forget As you loosen your grip, That new buds and seeds Prepare the same trip. Remember dear leaf, To treasure the limb. And the trunk and the root. And the soft soil beneath. The very last treasure That final bequeath.

  When Dexamethasone says “you may not sleep,” the best course of action is: 1. Pick up the paintbrushes 2. Clean and organize the tea cabinet 3. Make a list of everything that’s most important for the week 4. All of the above Yes my loves, you know the answer.

If this is before treatment, I can't imagine life during. Friday we went over potential medication side effects, both from the four chemo drugs, and also potential side effects from the medicines to address the side effects from the chemo drugs. Interestingly, I already have most of those side effects in my daily life, so it's going to be more like 'are your daily issues getting worse or staying the same.' The point of treatment, of course, is to knock back those issues and help me live longer, so bring on the drugs. We start tomorrow by taking about 20 pills and getting a couple of shots. I'll keep you posted. I'd like to say I don't like to complain but those of you who know me best know that I do enjoy a bit of complaining. Anyway, here's how I'm feeling today: I'm tired all the time. I get out of breath very easily. Right now after doing extremely light household chores for about 10 minutes I feel as if I've run a 6 mile run. It feels lik...

This time next week I'll enter the crucible. For about a year, my body will be cleansed, purged, and rebuilt. I don't know who or what I will be when I come out the other side. But I will come out the other side. Whoever or whatever the result, let me continue to be lovable by those around me, please.