Kathryns Walk

A while back my friend Moby and I were talking about the guilt we feel when we slow down for health reasons. He blames the problem on capitalism, I probably think it comes more from 'American-ism,' but it really doesn't matter where it comes from. I feel like I have to be achieving things all the time. About ten years ago I learned that it was okay to slow down, recognize that your body needs rest, and just take care of yourself. But it's one thing for your head to know that - it's another thing entirely for your heart to embrace it, tell you that it's okay to take some time for yourself, and to shush the voice of Mom in your head saying "you still have things to do." Now there are days where I'm not going to achieve magnificent things for work, or for art, or for cooking, or exercise, or any of the other things my little internal guilt-monster thinks that I should be doing. There are days like yesterday and today where just surviving will be succe...

A friend told me this morning how much she loves the sound of rain in the morning. I do too. A soft rain is washing away the heat of the past few days. I love these times, working quietly near an open window, listening to the rain. Sometimes a rain like this comes from within my own eyes. It washes away the harsh emotions and helps feel refreshed. Thank you everyone who cares about me. I love you all.

 She waited and waited and waited. After so long having the constant background worry of MGuS and smouldering myeloma, a PET scan found this softball sized tumor in my chest. I met the wonderful staff at Radiation Oncology and felt my body be slightly poisoned over three weeks, with the goal of reducing or eliminating the tumor. Tests and appointments followed. Multiple Myeloma would present with more radical test results. Mine are a little high but not alarming. But then, there's that softball sized tumor. Seattle Cancer Care Alliance told us that this qualifies us to be diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. But then there's that biopsy that showed possible Amyloidosis, MM's cousin. We waited on Mayo Clinic and weeks later we found out that yes, there was AL Amyloidosis in my tumor. Therefore, the diagnosis is now Multiple Myeloma with AL Amyloidosis involvement. Yesterday we met with oncology and chemo is in the near future. Four drugs, which will begin to hopefully get my blo...