Kathryns Walk

  Okay, I’ve got cancer. Yes, I’m in treatment. It sucks. Enough of that. At week 5, It’s time for something completely different. All my life I’ve been an artist. I wouldn’t have said it, or said it out loud, until now. I might have wished “I wish I could be an artist.” Instead I lied to myself. “I can’t draw.” “I don’t have artistic talent.” “I wish I could make art.” We tell ourselves lies, then we go believe them.  And ironically we go about our day and make art. It may not be art using the medium that most people consider “ART,” but it is no less artistic. We talk to other people, we cook, we nurture, we go to the office or the field, and we make art. Some of it is better than others, we all have good moments and good days and the other ones where we’re just hanging in there. Sometimes art is throwing towels in the dryer on a bad day, pulling them out one by one, warm and soft and fuzzy, and hugging them. And then folding them and putting them back into the closet. This i...

My full week sleep cycle - week 1 of induction chemo We're now going on a full first month of induction chemotherapy. This phase is done in 4 week cycles, and we're told that there will be 4-8 cycles of this before we go for stem cell harvest at Swedish Hospital. The nurses at Kaiser Permanente Infusion have been great. Each week it's been a different nurse to administer the treatments, and I have had two favorites, and two who were merely good. When the worst you get is "merely good," give thanks children. We arrive, get blood taken, and go up to infusion to wait for the two chemicals to be mixed by the pharmacy. It usually takes at least an hour and a half for them to arrive at our clinic, where we've been sitting, talking and reading, and in my case, sketching and watercoloring. The nurse comes in and you lift your shirt and expose your unflattering 65-year-old tummy and they gently pinch some of the fat there and slowly, every so slowly, push an alarming l...

Most of us love rebels. The underdogs, fighting repression, sticking it to the man on behalf of the poor and weak. Sometimes rebels are heroes and sometimes not, and I suppose it has a lot to do with where you sit. As my wise father says, “it depends upon whose ox is getting gored.” When it comes to cancer, rebels aren’t so great. Cancer cells themselves are rebels - they seek to overthrow the orderly system of bodily health. Multiple Myeloma is a cancer where your bone marrow, the factory for your body’s blood cells and immune system, go rebel. Bone marrow begins to produce too many of one kind and not enough of another, and the cells that get overproduced are often abnormal and act wrong. They become corrosive, making proteins and other substances that want out of the bone marrow so badly that they begin to eat their way through the bone from the inside out. A Multiple Myeloma patient will often have lesions, places where the bone has become weakened or even holes eaten through, like...

 Story Time: In 2003 I was in India, preparing to bring Sukanya home. I was sitting in some random government official's waiting room. Kamala, the boss-lady at the Guild of Service was using my talents as someone who regularly spoke with government officials, to lobby them on moving her applications for adoption to US families faster. More about that meeting in a minute. In the waiting room one couldn't ignore all 5'2" of the mighty Kamala Ramanathan, barraging a secretary with a precise Tamil verbal assault. She was telling that secretary that The Official Himself certainly had time for us.  An older Indian gentleman sat near me listening in, not that it was any effort for him. People were hearing the ferocious Ms. Ramanathan down the street. The old man leaned closer to me and asked "so you are from America? And you work for the government there?" "Well yes, I'm from Seattle, it's in the state of Washington. And I do work for the government, so...

  Hello there, it's time for a check in. I'll start with the good... Yesterday was our anniversary - 5 years married, and Dave's birthday. We had as nice a day as possible, and I especially want to thank you Tina for the lovely cake! We're learning the cycle of treatment and leaning in. There was a very good appointment at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance the other day where we learned more about the upcoming schedule, and got the news that it might take less than 6 months to complete induction therapy. Fingers are crossed over here. We've had really good interactions with the infusion team at Kaiser Permanente Capitol Hill. The nurses and staff there are truly superheroes. Before I go into medical stuff and favors deeper, I want to talk about wonderful people, and I have a little favor to ask, if you're inclined. Dave is being a super supporter, and I'm more grateful for him that you can imagine. My kids and friends (and maybe you) are checking in on me from ti...

 Today is a blessing. If you've never experienced it, or been close to someone going through it, just believe me, chemo is a real thing. Dave and are learning the cycle, midway through our first week. Yesterday was very hard. Today is better. Today is a blessing. I feel poisoned. There's an awful taste in my mouth. But I took a little walk up the hill to the community garden. I couldn't have done that yesterday. I took some photos on the way for watercolor. At the garden, some lovely person left two beautiful zucchini out on a picnic table as a gift. I can only eat bland right now. I've been struggling to find things I'm willing to put in my body. I've made promises to eat whether I want to or not. Those two little squash will go so nicely on a bed of rice today. I'm grateful enough to the gift-giver to cry right now. We're nearing the end of the first week of treatment. There are 23 more like this to go, and this is only induction chemotherapy. After th...

 Does the leaf mind? She once wore the glow of a youthful spring flush. Turning to summer, Her life was awash. Now leaning to fall, And new colors add. Not colors she chose. for good and for bad. Does the leaf grieve? Would it help if she did? These colors of fall Are no longer hid. Yes. She grieves just a bit, But you get what you get! Breathe! You'll wear it with grace, A touch less of pride. For you now begin That inevitable ride. And never forget As you loosen your grip, That new buds and seeds Prepare the same trip. Remember dear leaf, To treasure the limb. And the trunk and the root. And the soft soil beneath. The very last treasure That final bequeath.